addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry my hands just texted you
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
