I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
