I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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