I'm going to jail i love you
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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