i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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