I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
