I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Small penises have feelings too.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
