Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
