I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
