my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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