If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
