who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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