When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
