I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
