we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
