my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
