I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
