This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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