hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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