I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
