i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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