Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
