just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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