so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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