Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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