I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
