He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
