I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
