how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
