After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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