I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
