my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
