i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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