my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
