I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
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