Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
how do you play pong handcuffed?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
