don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
