Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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