What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
