Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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