After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
