I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
