Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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