hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
