I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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