I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
