guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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