idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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