So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
They have beer where we have blood.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
