I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
